Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
