i don't like sucking hair
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
