did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
