You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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