he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
