She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
