That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
