The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
