AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
