You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
