He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
