my sisters under your porch take her home
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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