he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
