i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
