I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
