did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
