my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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