I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize