textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I want is dick and wine.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
