didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
God, you're like boner-b-gone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
