If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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