DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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