so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize