I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
