i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
