Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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