I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
