He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
