nut hugger
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
