I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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