Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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