I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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