I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
