you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
