Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
