When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
