I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
