I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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