you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
birth control should be required to get into college
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
