Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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