It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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