You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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