im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
