i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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