The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
