you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
