He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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