Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
