She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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