i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
