this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
