College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
