you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
