So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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