Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
