no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize