the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am one with the molecules
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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