I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize