Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
