So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
