Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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