Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
