I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
