I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
